Anxiety Sucks.
The “what ifs”, the overthinking, and the ruminating. Then there’s the spiraling that inevitably comes with all the overthinking. You feel like you’re going crazy. Anxiety is imagining the worst-case scenario for everything when there’s no obvious “reason” to worry. It’s second-guessing your choices and doubting your capabilities. Stomach aches, headaches, and a racing heart that feels like it’s going to jump out of your chest are unfortunately a normal part of your life.
Living with anxiety is enduring many sleepless nights because you just can’t shut your brain off. It’s being afraid to put yourself out there or to try new things, which keeps you feeling stuck at work or in your relationships. It’s canceling plans at the last minute because of the surge of panic that comes with not knowing exactly how everything is going to go. After canceling those plans it’s feeling worried that everyone is upset with you, or even worse – disappointed in you.
Anxiety robs you of the joy of living your life in the present moment.
You might be just like my clients who struggle with anxiety. They’re good people. Kind people. Thoughtful and compassionate people. They’re often sensitive and feel really deeply, which causes them to feel overwhelmed by their emotions. Feeling overwhelmed in their emotions, they may avoid or lash out to cope. They then beat themselves up and feel intense guilt about how they behave or react when their anxiety takes over.
They feel extreme shame over struggling with anxiety because they can’t control it. They so badly want to be liked, accepted, and fit in so they work hard to hide their anxiety. Sometimes they avoid situations. Sometimes they people please. Other times they overwork and don’t set boundaries. They just want to feel “normal” but don’t. This causes more anxiety. The cycle continues.
Why is this happening?
It’s hard to know exactly why or how your anxiety started. Many times it’s a combination of nature and nurture. You might have been born with a personality style that is naturally more susceptible to anxiety. You may have experienced a trauma or adverse life experience which has contributed to problems. The “why” may not be as important as the “what do we do now?”, but it’s worth exploring in therapy.
I’m here to tell you there is hope. Anxiety is a very treatable mental health issue. You don’t need to suffer anymore!
Please read on to learn more about the common types of anxiety I treat and how I can help you find your calm.
High Functioning Anxiety
High-functioning anxiety is a term that refers to people who live with anxiety but identify as functioning reasonably well, or even excelling, in different areas of life. The inward struggle with anxiety is intense but the outward expression and feelings of distress are less visible than other types of anxiety. Typically the version of yourself that you present to the world is not an accurate representation of how you feel inside. This sometimes makes it difficult for people to understand how much you’re really struggling because you “look” fine.
Someone with high-functioning anxiety may appear to be the picture of success. They’re frequently overachievers and highly driven. They’re often perfectionistic and very critical of themselves. They cope with their anxiety by achieving and pushing themselves harder as opposed to avoiding or withdrawing.
At Work:
You might arrive at work earlier or stay later than everyone else. You’re always the first to sign up for an extra task or help out when needed. You’ve never missed a deadline or declined any task given to you. Coworkers perceive you to be motivated and driven, and your boss loves you.
In reality….
You power through the work day and then crash at home. You snap at your spouse because you’re physically and mentally drained from work. You feel overwhelmed and desperately in need of a day off, but you worry about being perceived as weak or a slacker. Your anxiety prevents you from setting boundaries, saying no, or taking a much-needed sick day. You fear failure and resent your job for sucking the life out of you, but wouldn’t dare let anyone know that.
Socially:
You have a full social calendar because you say yes to everyone and everything. All of your weekends for the next 6 months are booked with social or family obligations that you aren’t even really that excited for. You answer every call and respond to every text promptly so that no one gets mad at you. You’re your friend’s therapist and the family peacemaker. Everyone seems to like you, and perceives you to be supportive and always doing well.
In reality …
You spend too much time on activities to please other people when you’d rather be doing something else. You find you don’t have time to tend to your own hobbies, interests, and needs because you’re busy meeting the needs of everyone else. You’re afraid of conflict and of disappointing others, so you do everything possible to avoid anyone being upset with you. You’re uncomfortable sharing your true feelings or expressing your needs for fear of being a burden, so you rarely ever do.
Impact of High Functioning Anxiety:
- Mental and physical fatigue
- Racing thoughts
- Overthinking and overanalyzing
- Insomnia or other sleeping issues
- Loyal to a fault in relationships – often staying in unhealthy relationships too long
- Poor ability to set boundaries for self and with others
- Difficulty communicating needs and being assertive
- Rumination – dwelling on past mistakes or situations you perceive to not have gone well
- Feelings of guilt or negative sense of self
- Inability to rest or relax due to feelings of guilt about what you “should” be doing instead (ie always “needing” to be productive)
- Difficulty staying in the present moment due to constantly thinking ahead and “what if-ing”
- Devaluing and deprioritizing your own needs
Generalized Anxiety
Generalized anxiety is a non-specific, free-floating type of anxiety that is triggered by a variety of everyday situations at home, work, and in your social life. It produces symptoms of fear, worry, and avoidance which impacts daily living. For example, in preparing for a simple night out with your friends you might worry or ruminate about how your outfit looks, being late, the parking situation, and who will be there. My clients who struggle with generalized anxiety report frequently feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and “on edge”. Generalized anxiety tends to be chronic and differs from a phobia, which is characterized by fear and avoidance of a specific trigger, such as spiders or bridges.
Generalized anxiety is a frequent feeling of being “worked up” that prevents you from ever truly relaxing, even when you have downtime. You’re always worried about something or thinking about something you “should” be doing, so trying to relax becomes stressful. You’re usually 10 steps ahead in your mind so living in the present moment feels impossible. It makes going through your daily life so mentally and physically exhausting. Your mind and body are never truly at peace. Your nervous system is always on high alert.
Symptoms May Include:
- Constant worry
- Restlessness
- Irritability
- Sleep disturbances
- Appetite changes
- Avoidance or withdrawal from activities
- Trouble with concentration and focusing
- Unwanted or ruminating thoughts
- A feeling of being keyed up or “on edge”
- Fatigue, lightheadedness, stomach aches, sweating, nausea, heart palpitations, trembling
Social Anxiety
It’s certainly normal to feel anxious or uneasy in some social situations: Giving a presentation at work may cause your palms to feel sweaty as you anticipate talking in front of a large group. Going on a first date may cause a feeling of butterflies in your stomach as you wonder if the two of you will vibe.
In social anxiety disorder, however, everyday interactions cause significant anxiety, distress, and self-consciousness because you deeply fear being scrutinized, evaluated, or judged negatively by others. This intense fear and anxiety often leads to avoidance behaviors that can disrupt your life. In the above examples, you may start calling out of work on the day of your presentations, or avoiding dating altogether due to your anxiety.
Symptoms may include:
- Fear and avoidance of situations in which you may be judged or evaluated negatively, or avoidance of situations where you may be “on display”
- Worry about making a mistake, saying the wrong thing, or otherwise embarrassing or humiliating yourself
- Intense fear of new situations where you might be meeting new people and needing to interact with them
- Fear that the physical symptoms you exhibit (such as sweating, trembling, or having a shaky voice) make cause you embarrassment
- Analysis of your performance after a social situation and identification of perceived flaws in your interactions
- Anticipating of the worst possible outcome from a social situation
Avoiding the situations that trigger your anxiety helps to alleviate anxiety in the short term, however, in the long run anxiety worsens as you continue to engage in avoidance behaviors.
Therapy can help treat Anxiety by:
Did you know?
Research shows that psychotherapy (like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is generally more effective than medication alone.